Oh dear God, how I want to avoid pain.
I am so tired of being in pain.
So tired, that I will leave my body and disconnect myself from this flesh so that I can live for one pain-free moment.
But there is always the returning.
To the pain.
To the body.
To the knowing that life is not pain-free.
That was never the promise given to me.
And yet the longing lives on eternally.
The hope that moments can be free.
Always holding back the truth of how the pain grips and encapsulates me.
Stuck in this vice, this shell, this frame, this skeleton not of my making.
Living out life in a world full of elephants.
Their stomping feet, their booming voices, their pounding fists, like vice grips on my choices.
Where can I go?
What can I do?
To keep the anxiety from showing through.
How much can I hide?
How much can I show?
Before someone sees through the thinly veiled robe.